1: Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky radiator.
3: It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4: Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5: Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6: Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7: If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9: If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .
11: If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12: If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13: Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15: The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16: A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17: Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18: There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19: Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .
20: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21: Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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