HELP Bully In My Office

35% of the workforce has directly experienced bullying–or “repeated mistreatment by one or more employees that takes the form of verbal abuse, threats, intimidation, humiliation or sabotage of work performance”–while an additional 15% said they have witnessed bullying at work. Approximately 72% of those bullies are bosses.

Bullying in the workplace is similar to the school playground in that people are being demeaned or exploited. But in the office, bullying is far more subversive and challenging to overcome, as these grown bullies are adept at finding non-assertive victims and staying under the radar.

There is a lot of bullying by bosses that goes on in the workplace—and the more years you work, the greater chance you have of encountering it. These are probably the same people who bullied their classmates in the schoolyard. 

They have a need to push people around to get their way and if no one stood up to them in school, then they have no reason to stop their bullying now in the business world.

There are different types of “bullying bosses.” On the more extreme end of the spectrum, there are those who throw tirades and intimidate employees continuously; some are even guilty of sexual harassment. Their behavior is nefarious enough to warrant termination and legal ramifications.

At the other end of the spectrum you’ll find the covert bully; the much more rampant, fear-provoking boss, who acts out episodically. On Monday he’s Mr. Nice Guy and on Tuesday he’s Attila the Hun. These bosses with bullying tendencies are masters at pushing you to the limit without giving you enough fodder to pursue legal action. For example, they may attempt to disguise their demeaning and discourteous behavior with levity, saying, ‘Oh, I was just joking,’ or ‘You’re too sensitive. You know you’re doing a great job.

There are many ways in which a boss or supervisor can bully his or her staff. “It could be by yelling at them if the employee doesn’t please the boss. It could be by constantly threatening them; always telling the employee that their job is at stake. It could be by embarrassing them by constantly criticizing them in front of their co-workers. It could be by putting the employee in an uncomfortable position; giving them an order that puts the employee’s job or reputation in jeopardy. And sometimes bullying can be less obvious. The bullying boss may simply ignore the employee or not include them in meetings anymore.

Top 10 most common tactics adopted by bullies, according to targeted victims:

1. Falsely accusing someone of “errors” not actually made.
2. Staring, glaring, being nonverbally intimidating and clearly showing hostility.
3. Discounting the person’s thoughts or feelings (“oh, that’s silly”) in meetings.
4. Using the “silent treatment” to “ice out” and separate from others.
5. Exhibiting presumably uncontrollable mood swings in front of the group.
6. Making up own rules on the fly that even she/he does not follow.
7. Disregarding satisfactory or exemplary quality of completed work despite evidence.
8. Harshly and constantly criticizing having a different ‘standard’ for the target.
9. Starting, or failing to stop, destructive rumors or gossip about the person.
10. Encouraging people to turn against the person being tormented.

Bullies suck the air out of offices, destroying camaraderie, robbing work of normal satisfactions, and demoting workers from bringing their best performance to the job. Bullies turn work into a fearful gauntlet to run each day. And there’s no question that working in unfair conditions will create a level of anxiety and stress, of powerlessness, that will infiltrate personal life.

Bullying behavior, whether it’s your boss or coworker, dampens enthusiasm and innovation. Management by fear never works; respect rules the day for optimal results. 

A bullying boss can also affect your personal life because the anxiety can affect your health. The conflict is that you’re torn between speaking up and potentially jeopardizing your job, and suffering in silence.

The top five health problems among those bullied at work are: anxiety (76%), loss of concentration (71%), disrupted sleep (71%), hypervigilance symptoms (60%), and stress headaches (55%).

Workplace bullying by a boss can have many negative effects on an employee. It could severely impact the employee’s morale–so much so that the employee doesn’t even want to come in to work anymore. Bullying can bring on depression, self-doubt, and can lower an employee’s self-esteem. Unfortunately, these characteristics can carry over to an employee’s personal life, as well. If we’re depressed at work then there’s a good chance we’ll be depressed at home, too. 

It ‘s unfortunate that bullying bosses either don’t know or don’t care how much of a negative impact they have on their employees.”Assuming you’re dealing with a bully of the “manageable variety”–with episodic flare-ups, versus a lawsuit-worthy bully–here’s how to manage up, according to Taylor and Teach:

Intervene early. Pay close attention to early warning signs that your usually mild-mannered boss is about to morph into a bully. If you know your boss resorts to bullying under stress, try to minimize the stress factors. Has he had a bad day? Postpone unnecessary meetings until the coast is clear. Was he pushed around by his boss, or by a client? When in doubt, if you notice a warning sign, get out of the way. Just as you shouldn’t stick your face near the snout of a snarling dog, you should remove yourself from the path of a manic bully until things cool off.

Set limits. Don’t be a martyr and work unreasonable hours or accept discourteous behavior. You won’t do yourself or your company any good. Being able to say ‘no’ can be quite liberating, and might even earn you some respect from your bully boss.

Speak to your co-workers. Is your boss only bullying you or do they do it to all of their employees? If you’re the only one being bullied, is it because you’re not doing your job properly or is it something personal? It may be simply that your boss doesn’t like you. Ask your co-workers for advice on how to handle the situation.

Use positive reinforcement. When your bullying boss treats you with respect, thank her for her kindness. Tell her how she inspires you to work hard whenever she’s positive and polite. Become a role model of good citizenship yourself, displaying unwavering courtesy to your boss. If you have to, overdo it to send the message. Never fight fire with fire; don’t act like a bully in response to bullying.

Be a good role model. Setting a good example of the demeanor you want your boss to emulate can help. “Praising another’s work, giving credit and remaining calm when your boss can’t, will help your boss better see the light.