Over the years I’ve worked for a number of managers, employers and clients. Some have been difficult…some quite so. One, in particular, was more than just difficult; he was a manipulator. He would use whatever means to subject his will upon his employees, vendors, customers, advisors, family…anyone. In addition to the tactics mentioned above, he would publicly belittle, curse or threaten demotion or termination. At the same time, he would not hesitate to apply charm or deference, if only to serve his larger purpose. He exhilarated in stirring conflict, division, politicking and gossip within the organization.
Why would he do this?
In order to cope with the rejection of a parent or significant adult in childhood, manipulators construct an environment centered solely upon themselves to meet their personal need for meaning and fulfillment. Nothing else matters!
Manipulators resort to shaming others for their actions or behaviors. Shaming requires an audience. If you’ve ever been soundly criticized or berated by your boss in public, you know just how demeaning and demotivating this can be. It doesn’t matter if it is face-to-face, teleconference or email; it is incredibly damaging.
Manipulators will control everyone within their circles of influence. A manipulative boss is, by nature, a micromanager. Nothing comes or goes without their direct involvement. This leads to delays, distractions and rework that serves only to frustrate others involved.
Manipulators will create chaos to divert responsibility for failures to others, while drawing attention for correcting these failures to themselves. One might call this the “Savior Complex”. In the context of a business, having an employer or manager engaging in such behavior can be deadly to its existence. Employees, customers and vendors will only put up with so much of these shenanigans.
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