Tough Boss Or Plain Bully

What’s the difference between a tough boss and a bully?

One you can work for, the other you can’t.

A tough boss sets high standards, demands excellence, and pushes for results. Along the way, he or she may bruise feelings. A bully boss, by contrast, uses power to denigrate others as a means of putting people down to remain in charge..

A tough boss welcomes challenges and invites dissent over issues. A bully boss avoids challenges and brooks no dissent. Tough bosses are confident in their abilities. Bully bosses live in constant fear of being discovered as incompetent. Most importantly, tough bosses hold themselves accountable and shine the spotlight on the team. Bully bosses avoid accountability blaming others when things go wrong.

A tough boss sets forth challenges. A bully views you and others as challenges.

Tough bosses are by and large leaders because they seek to raise others up. Bully bosses fail to grasp lead because they put themselves and their interests first.

Any reports of abusive behavior by a boss are troubling. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, bully bosses cause social and psychological harm to employees. Most of the perpetrators are male, and the victims are female. Bullies are bad for people as well as for productivity.

What role does gender play? Even today, in the wake the Me Too movement, women in authority are scrutinized more carefully than men. A hard-charging man is considered bold and aggressive. A tough woman is labeled the “b-word.” Often the perception of a woman’s ability to lead occurs when she says no! People may accept no from a man but resent it coming from a woman, who is then labeled as petty and mean.

Another question arises? Who wants to work with a tough boss in the first place? Who wants the aggravation of dealing with the demands of one who never seems satisfied with what you do? Not many, frankly. On the other hand, some like the idea of being challenged, and often they look back and say working for such a boss made them what they are today.

That said, talented people have options. They say yes to a boss who challenges them but also supports them with resources as well as advice, develops their career, and generally is easy to get along with. They will find other opportunities when such conditions are not met.

From my work with tough bosses, the challenge is always to get them to look at themselves in the proverbial mirror. And that’s especially hard when you conflate what you have accomplished with how you have accomplished it. If you have left a trail of broken people in your wake, then your ability to continue to achieve is hindered.

“Effective leadership,” wrote Peter Drucker, “is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results not attributes.” To be effective, you must expect more from yourself than you expect from others. At the same time, you want to put people into a position where they can outdo you. Why? Because you support them.

Bullies achieve results in spite of people; leaders achieve because they value their people.